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The lounge Relax, take a break from photo and camera talk - have a chat about something else for a change. Just keep it clean and polite!

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  #1  
Old 22nd March 2012
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Global Economy's ?

ECONOMICS .....

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM


You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM


You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION


You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION


You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION


You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive
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  #2  
Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

Haha, a very old theme, but brilliantly updated.
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Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

Liked this so I linked here from my Facebook wall

My version:

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and and makes you buy the milk whether you want it or not!

Ian
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Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
One unfortunately dies
You can't loose face by admitting you are not much good at looking after cows, so you pretend the missing cow is indoors calving.
You continue this for years, the balance sheet shows you have lots of cows.
You then hire a Brit......................
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Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

At least ' Traditional Capitalism' realises that without a Bull the cows are merely consumers of grass and creators of fertiliser.

Anyone else noticed that the Bull sold by the RBS doesn't exist, it is an option on a future Bull should their cows ever manage to produce one. One can only advice them to call at least one of the cows Mary, apparently it worked once before.

Personally I'd set up in business as a Consultant on Cows, perhaps even getting my own television show.

Nick
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Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

All very apt and funny and the last especially so!
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Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

Fantastic Chevvy
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Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

Thank you Chevvy.

I love it..............absolutely love it.

I am a former Glaswegian, so I am allowed to add this one.

You have two coo's (cow's)

Which one do you give a holiday??????
The one with a wee calf. (week off/small offspring)
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Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kidslateinlife View Post
Thank you Chevvy.

I love it..............absolutely love it.

I am a former Glaswegian, so I am allowed to add this one.

You have two coo's (cow's)

Which one do you give a holiday??????
The one with a wee calf. (week off/small offspring)


Ten coos in a field, which one is nearest Iraq?

Coo eight

Greg
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Old 22nd March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

One in ten cows didn't have a farm to go to. The Government could have given those cows food and shelter while they looked for a farm but instead decided to spend the money on hiring a company from the private sector to help force the cows into farm vacancies more quickly, even if those vacancies were better suited to sheep or hens. It cost the Government 175 million and the head of the company paid herself an 8 million bonus, whilst the employees created paperwork for ficticious farm placements to earn even more money from the Government. One in ten cows still don't have a farm to go to but the fat cats are all a bit fatter and the Government is looking a little sheepish, with egg all over its face.
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Old 28th March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

"AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate."

I'll drink to that!


"A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive "

I thought they liked sheep.
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Old 28th March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

You're right ... they like those too, Ross.

The really weird ones fancy goats !
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Old 28th March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pandora View Post
You're right ... they like those too, Ross.

The really weird ones fancy goats !
How did you know that?
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Old 28th March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

It may be a bit late to summarise the solution to European bovine integration:

You have a group of countries with various different bovine breeds.
You try to homogenise their milk production and complicate the rules of milk.
Although any sensible milk consumer knows it's different you tell them their taste buds are wrong.

After a while the following becomes clear:

The German cows are very productive having similar engineering to the Japanese.
The Greeks still only have one cow, the French are on strike and the Italians are out to lunch.

You stick your cows' heads in the sand and accuse the British cows of madness for not taking part.

Nick
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Old 29th March 2012
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Re: Global Economy's ?

Nick, -The flaw in your proposition is that the Greek cow is an unsecured loan by Germany, who have no hope of redeeming it.
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