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The lounge Relax, take a break from photo and camera talk - have a chat about something else for a change. Just keep it clean and polite!

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Old 7th September 2013
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Microsoft Outlook virus...

FOOT-AND-MOUTH BELIEVED TO BE FIRST VIRUS UNABLE TO SPREAD THROUGH MICROSOFT OUTLOOK

Researchers shocked to finally find virus that Email App doesn't like.

Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook email application, believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus.

"Frankly, we've never heard of a virus that couldn't spread through Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least, unexpected," said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC's infectious disease unit.

The study was immediately hailed by British officials, who said it will save millions of pounds and thousands of man hours. "Up until now we have, quite naturally, assumed that both foot-and-mouth and mad cow were spread by Microsoft Outlook," said Nick Brown, Britain's Agriculture Minister. "By eliminating it, we can focus our resources elsewhere."

However, researchers in the Netherlands, where foot-and-mouth has recently appeared, said they are not yet prepared to disqualify Outlook, which has been the progenitor of viruses such as "I Love You," "Bubbleboy," "Anna Kournikova," and "Naked Wife," to name but a few.

Said Nils Overmars, director of the Molecular Virology Lab at Leiden University: "It's not that we don't trust the research, it's just that as scientists, we are trained to be skeptical of any finding that flies in the face of established truth. And this one flies in the face like a blind drunk sparrow."

Executives at Microsoft, meanwhile, were equally skeptical, insisting that Outlook's patented Virus Transfer Protocol (VTP) has proven virtually pervious to any virus. The company, however, will issue a free VTP patch if it turns out the application is not vulnerable to foot-and-mouth.

Such an admission would be embarrassing for the software giant, but Symantec virologist Ariel Kologne insisted that no one is more humiliated by the study than she is. "Only last week, I had a reporter ask if the foot-and-mouth virus spreads through Microsoft Outlook, and I told him, 'Doesn't everything?'" she recalled. "Who would've thought?"

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Old 7th September 2013
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Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

That's a beauty Wally, but the epidemic foot in mouth disease is just unstoppable!

I just hope our incoming Prime Minister can keep it under check.
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Old 7th September 2013
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Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ross the fiddler View Post
That's a beauty Wally, but the epidemic foot in mouth disease is just unstoppable!

I just hope our incoming Prime Minister can keep it under check.
Surely politicians would speak more sense (especially Prime Ministers) if they had both feet permanently in their mouths.

In the event of coalitions the two leaders could help by putting each others feet into their mouths, in a sort of perpetual (and one hopes non-sexual) 69.

One shudders to think what would happen in European countries with coalitions of 3 or more parties.

Nick
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Old 7th September 2013
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Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

What an ugly thought!
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Old 7th September 2013
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Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Temple-Fry View Post

In the event of coalitions the two leaders could help by putting each others feet into their mouths, in a sort of perpetual (and one hopes non-sexual) 69.

Nick
It depends which public school they went to.
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Old 8th September 2013
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Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

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Originally Posted by Zuiko View Post
It depends which public school they went to.
Ouch!
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