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The lounge Relax, take a break from photo and camera talk - have a chat about something else for a change. Just keep it clean and polite!

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  #1  
Old 19th October 2010
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No.. Its no good -

I tried but I couldn't watch more than 45 seconds of "The only way is Essex"

Still, I did some research and I found a handy phrase guide on the web:

ASSA COMMONS - Our Parliament Building.
ART ATTACK - Extremely perturbed, as in "Don't tell Sharon, She'll have an art attack."
ARST - Past tense of ask. "Jordan, I must've arst ya free fazzund times to
clear up yer room."
BANNSA - A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club.
"Dave's got izself a job as a bannsa."
BANTY - A chocolate and coconut snack bar.
BAVE - To wash oneself.
BOAF - The two. "Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?" "Boaf" is the reply.
BRANSATCH - Motor racing circuit in Kent.
CANCEL - Administrative body of a town. "Darren, wive ad annuvva letter from the cancel."
CANTAFIT - Fake, as in money.
CHOONA - An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.
CORT A PANDA - A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)
DAN TO URF - Sensible, practical.
DANNING STREET - Where the Prime Minister lives.
DANSTEZ - On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.
DREKKUN - Do you consider? as in "Which dog drekkun'll win the next race?"
EFTY - Considerable. "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty."
EJOG - A small, spiky animal.
ERZ - Belonging to her.
EVVY - A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer, usually for money. "My name's Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles."
EYEBROW - Cultured, intellectual.
FANTIN - A jet of water for drinking or ornament.
FARVA - A posh way of saying Dad.
FATCHA - Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 - 1990.
FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. "I ad it off wiv fingy last night."
FONG - Skimpy undergarment.
FOR CRYIN AT LAAD - Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G."For
cryin at lad, Britney, if I say yes will you give it a rest?"
GAWON - Go on. "Gawon Darren, eat ya granny's cabbage, it'll do yer good."
GIVE IT LARGE - To be thorough or enthusiastic.
GRAND - A football stadium. "It all wennoff atside the pub near the grand."
HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.
IBEEFA - The Spanish holiday island.
IFFY - Dubious. "Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last munf's a bit iffy."
INT - Indirect suggestion. " I gave Darren a sort of int that it was time to
wash iz feet."
IPS - An unknown area of a woman's body to which chocolate travels. “That Mars Bar will go straight to me ips."
JA - Do you, did you. "Ja like me new airdo, Sharon."
JACKS - Five Pound note. "Lend us a jacks, wilya?"
JAFTA - Is it really necessary? "Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?"
KAF - Eating house open during the day.
KAFFY - A girl's name.
LAD - Noisy. "Jordan, turn that music dan, it's too lad."
LARJ - Enjoying oneself.
LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal.
LOTREE - Costs £1 for a ticket.
MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park.
MAFFS - The study of numbers.
MANOR - Local area.
MINGER - An unattractive person (usually woman).
NARRA - Lacking breadth, with little margin. "Mum wannid to come rand but changed er mind. That was a narra escape."
NARTAMEAN - Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean).
NEEVA - Not one nor the other.
NES - National Elf Service.
OAF - A solemn declaration of truth or committment.
OLLADAY - Time taken away from home for rest and adventure.
ONNIST - Fair and just, without a lie. "I never did it, onnist."
OPPIT - Go away , as in "Oi you, oppit."
PADDA PUFF - Soft, lacking aggression. "They're alright up front but they got a padda puff defence."
PACIFIC - Specific.
PAFFUL - Having much power or strength.
PAIPA - Sun, Mirror etc.
PANS AN ANNSIS - Imperial weight system.
PLAMMANS - A pub lunch usually made up of cheese and bread.
QUALIDEE - Good, as in "West 'Am's new striker's qualidee."
RAND - A number of drinks purchased for a group.
RANDEER - Locally. "There ain't much call for it randeer."
REBAND - Period of recovery after rejection by a lover. "I couldn't 'elp it.
I was on the reband from Craig."
ROOFLESS - Without compassion.
SAFF - A direction of the compass, opposite north.
SAFFEND - An Essex seaside town.
SAWTED - Done, arranged, resolved.
SEEVIN - Very angry. "I woz seevin when I urd wot 'e sed."
TALENT - Attractive members of the opposite sex. "Dave's gan dan tan to eye up the talent."
TAN ASS - A modern terraced house.
TOP EVVY - A woman of plentiful bosom. "Ere look at that, Darren, she's well top evvy."
UG - An unattractive person. "Sharon's new geezer's a bit of an ug."
UMP - Upset, as in Got the Ump.
VACHER - A document, which can be exchanged for goods or services. "I got a vacher to get in cheap at Forp Park."
WANNED UP - Tense. "I'm all wanned up at the moment."
WAWAZUT? - I beg your pardon.
WENNOFF - A fight commenced as in "It all wennoff".
YAFTA - You must : "Even if yer guilty, yafta av mitigating circumstances."
YOOF OSTALL - A place where holidaymakers can stay the night.
ZAGGERATE - To suggest something is better or bigger than is true. "Craig, I must’ve told ya a fazzund times already." "Don't zaggerate, mum."


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Old 19th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

Easy.

Actually thats why I tell anyone who asks I'm a Londoner even though I'm 2 miles into Essex.
You can get away with being a Cockney(probably)and I was born in the sound of Bow bells,honest
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Old 19th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

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Originally Posted by andym View Post
Easy.

Actually thats why I tell anyone who asks I'm a Londoner even though I'm 2 miles into Essex.
You can get away with being a Cockney(probably)and I was born in the sound of Bow bells,honest

Sorry mate, I was ART AVORDA. I'll get me coat

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Old 19th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

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Sorry mate, I was ART AVORDA. I'll get me coat

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Old 19th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

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Originally Posted by Johnheatingman View Post
Oh I say! Excellent document there Pete Old Bean. One will remember to pass it on to one's driver should the need ever arise to venture forth from Blackpool to visit one's Southern Estates.
Ah'd ave fort in Blackpool u'd rekernize SX tork from all them stag dos an olidaze wot we ave there. As for Peet I'm gonna set my matz Shazza, Trace, Baz 'n Gaz on 'im.
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Old 19th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

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Originally Posted by Zuiko View Post
Ah'd ave fort in Blackpool u'd rekernize SX tork from all them stag dos an olidaze wot we ave there. As for Peet I'm gonna set my matz Shazza, Trace, Baz 'n Gaz on 'im.
Eh-hem.... we have a Trace(y) here... though I dont like being called Trace... nor do I talk like that... I talk Nottingham... (the Eyupmeduck and the mekitgobakuds)
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Old 20th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

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Originally Posted by jonesy View Post
Eh-hem.... we have a Trace(y) here... though I dont like being called Trace... nor do I talk like that... I talk Nottingham... (the Eyupmeduck and the mekitgobakuds)
Sorry Tracey, most Essex people don't talk like that either. I've worked with several Sharons and Traceys in my time and they've been nothing like the stereotypes. I don't actually mind people mocking Essex, it's only the truth that hurts and the reputation we have is nothing like the truth! You will always, of course, find characters that fit the profile but they are the exceptions, not the rule.
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Old 20th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

Blimey, yous all go on. Jist gimme me beer an' she'll be right mate.
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Old 20th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

Brilliant! I can now torment my Essex girl wife for ages with these:-)
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Old 20th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zuiko View Post
Sorry Tracey, most Essex people don't talk like that either. I've worked with several Sharons and Traceys in my time and they've been nothing like the stereotypes. I don't actually mind people mocking Essex, it's only the truth that hurts and the reputation we have is nothing like the truth! You will always, of course, find characters that fit the profile but they are the exceptions, not the rule.
Hehe I was only joking I used to get some stick from the old Viz comic years ago too ( I think there was a sharon and Tracey in that too - or am I mistaken). I was going to add that my uncle and aunt had children called Gary and Sharon, so they must've had some Essex blood
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Old 20th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

Well of course (start Brian Sewell voice here) one should argue that the accent and lifestyle in question is arguably Estuary English rather than Essex English, and the defining feature of an Estuary is that it is shallow...

(Brian Sewell mode off, thank goodness)..

edit..

For those who don't know the story of the Shakespear brothers, Bert was an estuary lad, and he wrote the plays. William just stole the manuscripts and polished the title and the text, then took all the credit. So let's hear it for Bert Shakespear who gave us classics like "A Load of Bovver about Sweet F.A." and "Two Geezers from Bexhill"



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Last edited by snaarman; 20th October 2010 at 07:34 AM.
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Old 20th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

Quote:
Originally Posted by snaarman View Post
Well of course (start Brian Sewell voice here) one should argue that the accent and lifestyle in question is arguably Estuary English rather than Essex English, and the defining feature of an Estuary is that it is shallow...

(Brian Sewell mode off, thank goodness)..

edit..

For those who don't know the story of the Shakespear brothers, Bert was an estuary lad, and he wrote the plays. William just stole the manuscripts and polished the title and the text, then took all the credit. So let's hear it for Bert Shakespear who gave us classics like "A Load of Bovver about Sweet F.A." and "Two Geezers from Bexhill"

Pete

Ha ha! He also wrote "Twelfth Pint Tonight," "Gary and Sharon" (a tragic love story which transends two fueding East End famillies and "A Midsummer Night's Bender."

BTW - The last Berkshire boy to be trawled behind a Leigh-On-Sea cockle boat didn't think the Estuary was so damn shallow!
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Old 20th October 2010
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Re: No.. Its no good -

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Originally Posted by Zuiko View Post
BTW - The last Berkshire boy to be trawled behind a Leigh-On-Sea cockle boat didn't think the Estuary was so damn shallow!
Ooo-er. I think I will stay inland...

Pete
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