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Old 21st October 2018
sapper sapper is offline
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Re: Political: We're doomed, Captain Mannering...

This just about sums it up.
LEAVER: I want an omelette.

REMAINER: Right. Itís just we havenít got any eggs.

LEAVER: Yes, we have. There they are. [HE POINTS AT A CAKE]

REMAINER: Theyíre in the cake.

LEAVER: Yes, get them out of the cake, please.

REMAINER: But we voted in 1974 to put them into a cake.

LEAVER: Yes, but that cake has got icing on it. Nobody said there was going to be icing on it.

REMAINER: Icing is good.

LEAVER: And there are raisins in it. I donít like raisins. Nobody mentioned raisins. I demand another vote.

DAVID CAMERON ENTERS.

DAVID CAMERON: OK.

DAVID CAMERON SCARPERS.

LEAVER: Right, whereís my omelette?

REMAINER: I told you, the eggs are in the cake.

LEAVER: Well, get them out.

EU: Itís our cake.

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, get them out now.

REMAINER: I have absolutely no idea how to get them out. Donít you know how to get them out?

LEAVER: Yes! You just get them out and then you make an omelette.

REMAINER: But how?! Didnít you give this any thought?

LEAVER: Saboteur! Youíre talking eggs down. We could make omelettes before the eggs went into the cake, so thereís no reason why we canít make them now.

THERESA MAY: Itís OK, I can do it.

REMAINER: How?

THERESA MAY: There was a vote to remove the eggs from the cake, and so the eggs will be removed from the cake.

REMAINER: Yeah, butÖ

LEAVER: Hang on, if we take the eggs out of the cake, does that mean we donít have any cake? I didnít say I didnít want the cake, just the bits I donít like.

EU: Itís our cake.

REMAINER: But you canít take the eggs out of the cake and then still have a cake.

LEAVER: You can. I saw the latest Bake Off and you can definitely make cakes without eggs in them. Itís just that theyíre horrible.

REMAINER: Fine. Take the eggs out. See what happens.

LEAVER: Itís not my responsibility to take the eggs out. Get on with it.

REMAINER: Why should I have to come up with some long-winded incredibly difficult chemical process to extract eggs that have bonded at the molecular level to the cake, while somehow still having the cake?

LEAVER: You lost, get over it.

THERESA MAY: By the way, Iíve started the clock on this.

REMAINER: So I assume you have a plan?

THERESA MAY: Actually, back in a bit. Just having another election.

REMAINER: Jeremy, are you going to sort this out?

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes. No. Maybe.

EU: Itís our cake.

LEAVER: Whereís my omelette? I voted for an omelette.

REMAINER: This is ridiculous. This is never going to work. We should have another vote, or at least stop what weíre doing until we know how to get the eggs out of the cake while keeping the bits of the cake that we all like.

LEAVER/MAY/CORBYN: WE HAD A VOTE. STOP SABOTAGING THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. EGGSIT MEANS EGGSIT.

REMAINER: Fine, Iím moving to France. The cakes are nicer there.

LEAVER: You canít. Weíve taken your freedom of movement.
__________________
Dave
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