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Naughty Nigel 19th January 2016 12:00 PM

Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
A secondary school teacher from Guildford was arrested on Saturday morning at London's Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, a Metropolitan Police Anti-Terror spokesman said they believe the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the spokesman said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister David Cameron said , "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Meanwhile Labour spokeswoman Harriet Harmon told reporters she could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Prime Minister.

Zuiko 19th January 2016 12:11 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
Brilliant! :D

Imageryone 19th January 2016 12:14 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
Made I smile , also :D

Wee man 19th January 2016 01:22 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
This could add up to an attack using prime numbers which would multiply the dividend resulting in a division of the quotation given as an end result even if only a fraction of the associative property were to become the main derivative resulting in a Format prime relating to knot theory we would find a Julian theory leading to Pascal's triangle forcing platonic solids linked to generating prime numbers. Then where would we be?
Only by the use of real numbers and Riemannian geometry can transcendental numbers be generated using good old Zermelo- Fraenkel set theory to generate an algorithm high enough to have binomial coefficients in the calculus of variantions to give the definitively high cardinal number to allow Cartesian coordinates to give a sufficiently high composite number to cancel the prime number you started with even though there is no correlation using deductive reasoning or logic to prove the Diophantine equation?

Naughty Nigel 19th January 2016 03:01 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wee man (Post 373915)
This could add up to an attack using prime numbers which would multiply the dividend resulting in a division of the quotation given as an end result even if only a fraction of the associative property were to become the main derivative resulting in a Format prime relating to knot theory we would find a Julian theory leading to Pascal's triangle forcing platonic solids linked to generating prime numbers. Then where would we be?
Only by the use of real numbers and Riemannian geometry can transcendental numbers be generated using good old Zermelo- Fraenkel set theory to generate an algorithm high enough to have binomial coefficients in the calculus of variantions to give the definitively high cardinal number to allow Cartesian coordinates to give a sufficiently high composite number to cancel the prime number you started with even though there is no correlation using deductive reasoning or logic to prove the Diophantine equation?

^^^ WHS ^^^ to the power of 42 :D

I'm not sure what was worse at school: algebra, quadratic equations or geometry. *???

Zuiko 19th January 2016 03:58 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Naughty Nigel (Post 373919)
^^^ WHS ^^^ to the power of 42 :D

I'm not sure what was worse at school: algebra, quadratic equations or geometry. *???

It doesn't really matter, I've had absolutely no use for any of them since I left school. :D

Wee man 19th January 2016 04:08 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
Yes John and if we had known that we could just have sat and smiled sweetly, rather than trying to understand.

Naughty Nigel 19th January 2016 04:09 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
I think an understanding of f stops and reciprocity law failure would have been far more useful (and interesting). :)

Zuiko 19th January 2016 04:16 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Naughty Nigel (Post 373930)
I think an understanding of f stops and reciprocity law failure would have been far more useful (and interesting). :)

Yes, and circles of least confusion and how their size relates to apparent depth of field for different print sizes and different film/sensor formats. Okay, I guess that is more to do with physics, but a little bit of maths is involved! :D

PeterBirder 19th January 2016 04:32 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
This sort of thing has been going on for centuries and I believe as a result it can be proved mathematically that the Ancient Greeks discovered North America.

There were once three Indian Squaws.

One sat on a Buffalo hide.
One sat on a Moose hide.
And one sat on a Hippopotamus hide.

In the fullness of time the Squaws who sat on the Buffalo and Moose hides each had a son. The Squaw who sat on the Buffalo hide had twin sons.

Pythagoras knew this and it led him to his Theorum. *idea

"The sons of the Squaw on the Hippoptamus are equal to sum of those of the Squaws on the other two hides."

drmarkf 19th January 2016 09:18 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
Please stop now.




:D

pandora 19th January 2016 09:30 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
One of the best humorous skits I've read in a long time!

Bikie John 20th January 2016 10:43 AM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
One of those newspapers belonging to that nice Mr. Murdoch tried to patent a regular wave function. They were going to call it A Sine Of The Times.

John

crashmonster 20th January 2016 11:12 AM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
With regard to maths, there are 3 types of people, those who can do sums and those who can't

Ricoh 20th January 2016 12:03 PM

Re: Weapons of Maths Destruction
 
A fine "product" of wit, NN (or should I refer to you as N squared) !!

The "division" between Labour and Conservative is always apparent, although HH (let's call her H squared) is "at the limit" of self expression on this occasion ! Clearly a "function" of Jeremy's influence !


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