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  • Microsoft Outlook virus...

    FOOT-AND-MOUTH BELIEVED TO BE FIRST VIRUS UNABLE TO SPREAD THROUGH MICROSOFT OUTLOOK

    Researchers shocked to finally find virus that Email App doesn't like.

    Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook email application, believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus.

    "Frankly, we've never heard of a virus that couldn't spread through Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least, unexpected," said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC's infectious disease unit.

    The study was immediately hailed by British officials, who said it will save millions of pounds and thousands of man hours. "Up until now we have, quite naturally, assumed that both foot-and-mouth and mad cow were spread by Microsoft Outlook," said Nick Brown, Britain's Agriculture Minister. "By eliminating it, we can focus our resources elsewhere."

    However, researchers in the Netherlands, where foot-and-mouth has recently appeared, said they are not yet prepared to disqualify Outlook, which has been the progenitor of viruses such as "I Love You," "Bubbleboy," "Anna Kournikova," and "Naked Wife," to name but a few.

    Said Nils Overmars, director of the Molecular Virology Lab at Leiden University: "It's not that we don't trust the research, it's just that as scientists, we are trained to be skeptical of any finding that flies in the face of established truth. And this one flies in the face like a blind drunk sparrow."

    Executives at Microsoft, meanwhile, were equally skeptical, insisting that Outlook's patented Virus Transfer Protocol (VTP) has proven virtually pervious to any virus. The company, however, will issue a free VTP patch if it turns out the application is not vulnerable to foot-and-mouth.

    Such an admission would be embarrassing for the software giant, but Symantec virologist Ariel Kologne insisted that no one is more humiliated by the study than she is. "Only last week, I had a reporter ask if the foot-and-mouth virus spreads through Microsoft Outlook, and I told him, 'Doesn't everything?'" she recalled. "Who would've thought?"

    It's not what inspires us that is important, it's where the journey takes us.

    Wally and his Collie with our Oly bits & bobs


  • #2
    Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

    That's a beauty Wally, but the epidemic foot in mouth disease is just unstoppable!

    I just hope our incoming Prime Minister can keep it under check.
    Ross
    I fiddle with violins (when I'm not fiddling with a camera).
    Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ross-the-fiddler/
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    • #3
      Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

      Originally posted by Ross the fiddler View Post
      That's a beauty Wally, but the epidemic foot in mouth disease is just unstoppable!

      I just hope our incoming Prime Minister can keep it under check.
      Surely politicians would speak more sense (especially Prime Ministers) if they had both feet permanently in their mouths.

      In the event of coalitions the two leaders could help by putting each others feet into their mouths, in a sort of perpetual (and one hopes non-sexual) 69.

      One shudders to think what would happen in European countries with coalitions of 3 or more parties.

      Nick
      Nick Temple-Fry

      Medicine as a science ranks somewhere between archaeology and economics.

      www.theChurchPhotographer.co.uk 90 Churches -- Fairford St Mary's, exceptionally splendid
      www.temple-fry.co.uk

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      • #4
        Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

        What an ugly thought!
        Ross
        I fiddle with violins (when I'm not fiddling with a camera).
        Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ross-the-fiddler/
        Cameras: OM-D E-M1 & Mk II, Olympus Stylus 1, OM-D E-M5.
        Lenses: M.ZD7-14mm f2.8 PRO Lens, M.ZD12-40mm f2.8 PRO Lens, M.ZD40-150mm f2.8 PRO Lens, MC-14, MC-20, M.ZD45mm f1.8, M.ZD12-50, M.ZD60 Macro, M.ZD75-300 Mk II, MMF-3, ZD14-54 II, Sigma 150mm F2.8 APO Macro DG HSM.
        Flashes: FL36R X2, FL50R, FL50.
        Software: Capture One Pro 10 (& Olympus Viewer 3).

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        • #5
          Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

          Originally posted by Nick Temple-Fry View Post

          In the event of coalitions the two leaders could help by putting each others feet into their mouths, in a sort of perpetual (and one hopes non-sexual) 69.

          Nick
          It depends which public school they went to.
          John

          "A hundredth of a second here, a hundredth of a second there even if you put them end to end, they still only add up to one, two, perhaps three seconds, snatched from eternity." ~ Robert Doisneau

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          • #6
            Re: Microsoft Outlook virus...

            Originally posted by Zuiko View Post
            It depends which public school they went to.
            Ouch!
            ---------------

            Naughty Nigel


            Difficult is worth doing

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