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Baked Beans

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  • Baked Beans

    (This one is much too funny not to share. Enjoy!

    One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
    apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
    beans,because I fart a lot when I eat them.

    Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
    from work. Since I lived in the countryside, I called my husband
    and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

    On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more
    than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off
    any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at thediner and
    before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

    All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

    Upon my arrival, my husband was very excited to see me and
    delightedly exclaimed:

    'Darling I have a surprise for you tonight.'

    He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
    I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
    telephone rang.

    He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
    returned and went to answer the call.

    The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
    pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the
    room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

    It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
    running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from
    my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The
    stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

    Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other
    room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

    The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
    farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few
    more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back
    on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

    My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
    returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
    through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

    At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
    seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'

    I fainted!!
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