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MJ224
1st August 2018, 06:43 AM
Some thoughts for the day


1. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

2. Dťjŗ Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

3. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

4. If at first you donít succeed, skydiving is not for you.

5. Money cant buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

6. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad cheque.

7. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you canít find them.

8. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

9. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

10. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

11. Rays Law: You canít fall off the floor.

12. Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. Itís easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, youíd be paranoid too.

13. Eagles may soar, but weasels arenít sucked into jet engines.

14. If at first you donít succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

15. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

16. Experience is something you donít get until just after you need it.

17. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

18. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

19. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

20. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

21. Two wrongs are only the beginning.

22. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Naughty Nigel
1st August 2018, 07:36 AM
Some thoughts for the day


1. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

20. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.


That is undoubtedly true, but lawyers are also a breed apart.

Let us remember that the majority of politicians are also lawyers which makes No 20 doubly true! :rolleyes:


3. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

That depends who she is. :D


22. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Or sail....... :D

Kirtb
1st August 2018, 07:56 AM
Re . no 10. Unfortunately people often ignore the warning!
Thanks, made me chuckle as I was having my morning coffee.

Naughty Nigel
2nd August 2018, 09:44 AM
22. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I have to admit this one also reminds me of the occasion when the white Rover SD1 that had been following me closely for a while, and which I managed to shake off though some fast bends, lit up blue!

That was a long time ago though M'lud. *yes

Jim Ford
5th August 2018, 10:36 AM
Dave Barry is a rich source for those that like humorous quotes. Here's one site, but there are many:
https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/dave_barry

Jim

KeithL
5th August 2018, 02:09 PM
I have to admit this one also reminds me of the occasion when the white Rover SD1 that had been following me closely for a while, and which I managed to shake off though some fast bends, lit up blue!

That was a long time ago though M'lud. *yes

I remember one of the works drivers at Jaguar went down to Brand's in an E-type. Coming back, he was followed for a time by a white MGB. On a forty mph dual carriageway, all at once the MGB accelerated past, then pulled in, and braked, so the E-type had to brake too. This happened several times, until the driver of the E-type got angry, and put his foot down. When the road became 60 mph limit, the same thing happened again. Then all at once, the MGB slowed, and a POLICE STOP sign flipped up in its back window, and he was done for two counts of speeding and racing on a public roadway.

He already had 9 points on his licence, so stood to lose it, and therefore his job. Fortunately the CEO at the time was well in with a number of chief constables, and as a result, he got the points but kept his licence. And got a heavy fine.

That was in the late 1970s. Makes one think that "Life on Mars" wasn't as far from the truth as one would like to think it was!