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Barr1e
23rd December 2007, 09:03 PM
Once upon a time there was a baby bunny. This bunny had never ventured beyond the fence around the field its warren was in. One evening, just after dusk, the bunny was nibbling on the grass by the fence and looking longingly at all the really lush grass and dandelions in the field over the road. Now this road was a really busy road and the little bunny had always been told not to cross the road because it was too dangerous.

Well, the baby bunny’s daddy hopped over to see his son and the baby bunny asked his dad if he could cross the road.

“Well, son” his dad said, “It’s a dangerous road. Loads of your family have been killed trying to cross it, but there is a way.”

“Go on, Dad, tell me” squeaked the baby bunny, excitedly.

“Well son, what you do is you set off across the road and keep your ears pricked for the sound of approaching cars. If you hear one, you turn to face it, look at the lights on the car, get between them, duck down and the car will pass straight over you”

At this point an old hedgehog ambles across to see what is going on.

“What’s going on, Rabbit?” he asks.

“Well” said the old, wise Rabbit “I’m teaching my son here how to cross the road and avoid getting squashed by a car”

“Very wise” said the hedgehog. ”Several members of my family have died on this road. What have you told him to do? It could be useful”

“Well” said the old Rabbit. “I’ve told him to set off across the road and keep his ears pricked for the sound of approaching cars. If he hears one, he must turn to face it, look at the lights on the car, get between them, duck down and the car will pass straight over him”

“What a good idea” replied the hedgehog.

So the baby bunny takes a few deep breaths and sets off across the road. He hears and approaching car and, being a sensible bunny, does exactly what his daddy told him.

SPLAT. Blood, guts and fur fly everywhere, spattering his dad and the hedgehog.

The hedgehog turns to the Rabbit and says
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“Oh dear. You don’t see many Reliant Robins these days, do you?”

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Bill Gates arrives at the pearlies...

"Well, Bill" said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?"

"Sure!" said Bill, "Let's go!"

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can' t wait to see heaven!"

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went.

Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God.

Bill responded with anguish and despair, "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh THAT!" said God, "That was the screen saver!"

PeterD
23rd December 2007, 09:44 PM
Hi Barrie,

Both are well up to the standard one expects on here. Had a good laugh so thanks.

PeterD

flying haggis
23rd December 2007, 10:00 PM
nice one :):)

happy xmas to both of you