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flying haggis
17th December 2007, 08:21 PM
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and
says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but
I think I've got that going right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to
stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I
play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't
see?"

Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway
and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball
toward him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to
the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball toward
his voice."

"But how do you putt?" asks Woods.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole
and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball
toward his voice."

Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round
sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play
for money, and never play for less than 10,000 a hole."

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you
like to play?" Stevie says...................................





































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flying haggis
17th December 2007, 08:26 PM
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,
and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.

"Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said "Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."


She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates,
"you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!


Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"



Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."